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By Charlene Rubush, May 10, 2013 3:38 pm

There’s a joke that goes like this: “If you find yourself close to death and someone else’s life flashes before your eyes, you might be a co-dependent.“

This certainly applied to me many years ago, and before I hit my bottom emotionally, physically and spiritually. I’d grown up watching my mother wait on my father hand-and-foot. I thought that was the way life was supposed to be.

So naturally, when I married my combat vet, I followed in my mom’s footsteps. I felt I was “born to serve.” For years and years, I took pride in my ability to “take care of my man.” But slowly and insidiously, that pride turned into exhaustion. As the saying goes, “Pride goeth before a fall.” Continue reading 'Can You Love Your Combat Vet Too Much?'»

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By Charlene Rubush, May 3, 2013 4:50 pm

Being as we’ve just been through the month of April, which is Alcohol Awareness Month, I’ve been reflecting on the toll a loved one’s drinking often takes on his/her family.

In Patience Mason’s acclaimed book, Recovering From the War- A Guide for All Veterans Family Members, Friends and Therapists, she has a chapter (9, pg.268) devoted to “Our Problems.” That is, the spouse and other family members of combat vets.

She writes “So far I’ve been talking as though the veteran’s the only one with problems. But his problems can become your biggest problem, and it can wear you out. What can you do if you’re at the end of your rope? How do you find the strength to go on?” Continue reading 'The Combat Vet’s Spouse, Co-Dependency and the Booze Battle'»

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By Charlene Rubush, April 26, 2013 3:09 pm

Doug Thorburn’s enlightening book How to Spot Hidden Alcoholics-Using Behavioral  Clues to Recognize Addiction in its Early Stages, provides some information that is quite astounding.

In the Introduction, he asserts that “One of the surprising things about alcoholism is how little most experts know. The main problem is that the definition they have agreed upon fails to describe the affliction in its early-stages. As a result, the current practice of identifying alcoholism is comparable to waiting until tumors become the size of basketballs before diagnosing cancer.”

When I reflect on my own personal experience with loved ones and friends, I can see how true it is. Too many people I’ve known and cared for have suffered this very sad, yet predictable fate. Some of them were combat vets and too young to have to die from this treatable disease.

We’re losing many of our returning Iraq and Afghanistan combat vets to this miserable illness, as well as our Vietnam vets, Gulf War, WWII; the list goes on and on.

Another tragic fact about alcoholism is found in Part III, titled “Middle-Stage or Polydrug Clues (pg.83.) The author notes “Although displaying multiple symptoms of early-stage alcoholism, most alcoholics are not identified as such until well into the progression of the disease.

Father Joseph Martin suggests that it can take about nine years on average for a spouse to begin tentatively diagnosing alcoholism in the other spouse. It probably takes another ten or twenty years for the non-alcoholic spouse to share suspicions with outsiders. No one is served by keeping the family secrets, yet the stigma of alcoholism precludes discussion, without which a confirmed diagnosis may be impossible.”  Continue reading 'A Surprising Fact About The Co-Alcoholic Spouse'»

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By Charlene Rubush, April 19, 2013 3:13 pm

According to an article by The Partnership at Drugfree.org, alcohol is the number one drug problem in the United States. It impacts every single person in our country, either directly or indirectly.

Each April since 1987, the National Council on Alcoholism and Drug Dependence, Inc. (NCADD) has sponsored NCADD Alcohol Awareness Month to increase public awareness and understanding, reduce stigma, encourage individuals and families to seek help and to engage local communities in bringing attention to alcoholism and alcohol-related problems.

This month, NCADD has chosen the theme, “Help for Today, Hope for Tomorrow.” There will be numerous activities going on around the country to create awareness and encourage individuals and families to get help for alcohol-related problems. Continue reading 'The Theme for Alcohol Awareness Month 2013: Help for Today, Hope for Tomorrow'»

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By Charlene Rubush, April 12, 2013 5:45 pm

April is Alcohol Awareness Month. Here are some statistics from the excellent book Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder for Dummies that might seem surprising. They also shed light on the link between substance abuse issues and PTSD.

• Thirty to 60 percent of people seeking treatment for substance abuse problems also have PTSD.
• People with severe PTSD symptoms are at greater risk for substance abuse problems than people with mild PTSD symptoms, indicating that drugs and alcohol are used as self-medication.
• Between 60 and 80 percent of Vietnam veterans seeking treatment for PTSD also have alcohol problems.

It may be hard to believe, but 18 million Americans have an alcohol use disorder!!

As someone who has spent a lot of time in Al-Anon and Open AA meetings, I have seen the amazing results that can come when one is open to learning about what alcoholism is, and how it affects lives.

I’ve seen people come back from the pit of hell and been awed by how they were able to turn their lives around into living a sane and productive life.

I’ve also known those who have refused to change, and paid a tremendous price; not only financially, but by death and lost relationships.

Today, there is a tremendous wealth of knowledge on addiction in its many forms. There are so many great resources available too, if one is open to becoming educated. I’ll be writing more on this important subject throughout the month. Stay tuned.

Here are a few great websites to check out on the subject:

To help determine a drinking problem, a test is available from Alcoholscreening.org (www.alcoholscreening.org) a service of Boston University’s School of Public Health.

Narcotics Anonymous offers a self-quiz that can give you insight into how drug use is affecting your life. Visit www.na.org/ips/an/an-IP7.htm and click on “Am I an Addict?”

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By Charlene Rubush, April 1, 2013 5:20 pm

It’s a well-known fact that writing about one’s personal experiences, especially those that have been particularly traumatic, can bring great healing to the body, mind and soul.

I never set out to be a writer; not consciously at least. But when I went back to school later in life (and after my divorce from a Vietnam veteran) I took many of my prerequisite classes with gusto.

Then on a whim, I took an elective class, which turned out to be Creative Writing. Shortly into the course, I found myself pouring my guts out on the page. It was as if a dam had broken and my feelings about, and experiences with the Vietnam War and how it had affected my life, just burst forth from me.

Those early writings have led to much of the healing I’ve found today. I share this poem with you now, in the hopes that you too, will try your hand at writing about those deep feelings that you may not even realize are lurking in your self-conscious.

Good luck!

The Children Must Be Fed

Their voices call within my head,
“Mommy, please get out of bed! We’re
starving, starving, we gotta go to school.”

I hear them but my mind’s too numb
to make my muscles move. No sleep
last night, Daddy had another flashback.

Visions of napalm, he was back in Nam.
Back in Nam. He needed me, he needed
me. I want to sleep, I want to hide. This

is not what I expected as a young bride.
Dear God, where is the peace I crave,
is it on this earth, or in my grave?

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By Charlene Rubush, March 22, 2013 3:34 pm

It’s always heartening when I find another website that offers military veterans and their families a lot of important information.

This site has an eclectic mix of articles and posts; something for everyone.

Here are some titles that were recently on the site:

• Return from Afghanistan- by an AFOSI Wife
• War Is…Tell. Show and Tell, to be Precise.- Source: Battleland
• Wednesday Hero- by Hooah Wife & Friends
• When Blogging Goes Astray- by Exploits of a Military Mama
• Walt Disney World Salutes the Armed Forces-Updated!- Source: Homefront United Network
• Ten Career Options for Veterans- The Recruit Military Vet Ten-Source: The Fight Continues
• Families, Army, Navy, Veterans, Benefits & More

Many bloggers are veterans or active military. Check it out for more good stuff. They even provide free ebooks, shopping coupons, etc.

http://www.militaryblogs.org

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By Charlene Rubush, March 15, 2013 10:12 pm

Here’s a good place to go to take a free and anonymous screening test for combat-related PTSD.

Check out this information from their website:

Military life, especially the stress of deployments or mobilizations, can present challenges to service members and their families that are both unique and difficult. Some are manageable, some are not. Many times we can successfully deal with them on our own. In some instances matters get worse and one problem can trigger other more serious issues. At such times it is wise to check things out and see what is really happening. That’s the purpose of these totally anonymous and voluntary mental health testing self-assessments.

Go to http://www.militarymentalhealth.org to take the test. You’ve got nothing to lose and it may be helpful to you and yours.

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By Charlene Rubush, March 11, 2013 3:40 pm

Lately, I’ve been fighting depression (the state of the world, the ongoing wars??) and it’s gotten me to thinking back to a book I read years ago by Dr. Albert Ellis and a quote that stands out. It goes like this:

“Let’s face it. Reality Stinks.”

For some reason, whenever I recall that quote, it brings me a chuckle, for it’s so true! And it also tends to bring me out of “my personal pity party.”

Dr. Ellis has been considered the “second most influential psychotherapist in history.” Ellis developed Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) which is the pioneering form of Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT) back in 1955.

REBT is an action-oriented psychotherapy that teaches individuals to identify, challenge, and replace their self-defeating thoughts and beliefs with healthier thoughts that promote emotional well-being and goal achievement. Continue reading 'Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT)- Help for the Combat Vet with PTSD'»

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By Charlene Rubush, February 22, 2013 9:28 pm

Military.com’s website has a lot to offer military families, as well as anyone interested in keeping up with military affairs.

You’ll find timely information on education, money, careers, vet news, shopping and much more.

Here are some current article titles:

• TRICARE and Vet Status Rules Anger Vets
• Best Exercises: Muscle by Muscle
• Does Bodybuilding Destroy your Heart?
• 5 Tips for Working From Home
• Will Abortion Law change Help Female Troops?
• First Lady to Press Governors on Veterans’ Jobs

Military.com has something for service members in every branch of the services, as well as information focused on spouses of veterans.There are also many interesting and timely videos available on the site.

Check it out at:

http://www.military.com