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By Charlene Rubush, February 15, 2013 4:17 pm

In my last post, I wrote about the negative effects of “unresolved grief.” The website www.maketheconnection.net has some really good information on how best to deal with grief.

From their site, they note that “Every day, Veterans connect with proven resources, services, and support to address the issues impacting their lives. If the grief over loss of a friend or family member is interfering with your health and well-being or getting in the way of your relationships, daily activities, or ability to do your job, you may want to reach out for support. Consider connecting with:

• A spiritual or religious advisor
• A bereavement support group
• Your family doctor: Ask if your doctor has experience treating Veterans or can refer you to someone who does
• A mental health professional with experience in grief counseling
• Your local VA Medical Center or Vet Center: VA specializes in the care and treatment of Veterans

Here I’ll share some of my personal experience with grief:

During my estrangement from my first husband, a Nam combat vet, I reached out to the Veterans Outreach Center for counseling. The sessions were extremely helpful, until they were cut short once my divorce was final. VA policy stated that I became ineligible for services due to the divorce.This development only added to my feelings of loss and caused me great anquish.

Looking back now, I know that at that time I needed intensive therapy, but could not afford it. Eventually I descended into a deep, clinical depression. It was agony trying to get my life back together after that debilitating episode.

I did learn a lot from the experience though. When my father and mother died, I reached out for the proper support through the Hospice that had taken care of them. It helped me express my feelings, and eventually move on with life.

So if you’re struggling with the loss of a friend, loved one, or battle buddy, it’s better to find someone who you can share your feelings with. Emotional pain has to be dealt with. Professionals are trained to help you acknowledge and move through the grief.

For more insights on grief, go to:

http://www.maketheconnection.net/events/death-family-friends

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By Charlene Rubush, February 8, 2013 3:46 pm

Post-traumatic Stress Disorder experts acknowledge that combat trauma has many aspects and that a major component is “unresolved grief.”

A very important book that I’ve found helpful in understanding “unresolved grief” was written by Vietnam War widow Pauline Laurent. Her husband Howard was killed in Nam when Pauline was seven months pregnant with their child.

Her book details the many years it took before she was able to deal with her grief and move on with her life. It has something to offer all of us, in understanding the negative effects on one’s life when grief is “stuffed down” and repressed. Continue reading 'Grief Denied- A Great Book for Combat Vets and Their Loved Ones'»

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By Charlene Rubush, February 1, 2013 5:26 pm

The national salute kicks off each year with the VA’s popular “Valentines for Vets” program.

Individuals, Veterans groups, military personnel, civic organizations, businesses, schools, local media, celebrities and sports stars traditionally deliver valentines or visit the more than 98,000 Veterans of the United States armed services who are cared for every day in Department of Veteran Affairs (VA) medical facilities, outpatient clinics, domiciliaries, and community living centers.

While the National Salute kicks off in mid-February, Americans can show their appreciation to our Veterans all year long, by volunteering their time or donating to VA medical facilities.

No medical experience is necessary and volunteers are encouraged to share ideas on using their unique skills. To find opportunities, visit your nearest VA medical facility or visit http://www.volunteer.va.gov

Citizens can also make a difference through E-Donate, an online donation option at

http://www.volunteer.va.gov/apps/VolunteerNow/

I know myself how much volunteers contribute to the VA. When my husband (former Army vet- 14 years of service) and I must travel long distances for medical care, we often take advantage of the VA’s shuttle service.

We are so very grateful for the many volunteer drivers who give of their time to see that we make it to and from our appointments. I can’t imagine what we would do without them.

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By Charlene Rubush, January 25, 2013 4:57 pm

For those of you looking for a great place to learn from military veterans and others who are interested in PTSD, Amazon.com has a real good forum.

It’s free and easy to sign up and become a contributing member. You can choose to be informed when new postings arrive.

I enjoy being part of this group and meeting others who have a lot to offer from their personal experiences and insights.

It’s a good place for families of combat veterans to learn more about PTSD and other issues as well.

Check it out at:

http://www.amazon.com/forum/ptsd?_encoding=UTF8&cdForum

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By Charlene Rubush, January 18, 2013 2:15 pm

It’s always gratifying to me when I find a book written by a spouse of a combat vet with PTSD, and especially so, when it is full of solid advice, great information, and provides hope for recovery.

The subtitle of this book is “A Practical Guide to Living with a Loved One’s PTSD.”

Author Cynthia Orange, is married to a Vietnam combat veteran. In the Introduction, she writes “The word trauma comes from the Greek word wound, and some of the wounds that trauma causes are deep and long-lasting, creating, as the title to this book suggests, shock waves throughout an entire family system.”

Not only does Orange share her own hard-earned wisdom, there are many other stories throughout the book by trauma survivors, and those affected by a loved one’s trauma or PTSD.

Some of the chapter titles are:

•    Trauma Responses and PTSD: Normal Reactions to Abnormal Events
•    Acknowledging Loss and Honoring Grief
•    What about Me? The Importance of Self-Care
•    Trauma and Addiction: Weathering the Storms
•    Trauma and Parenting
•     Rebuilding Your Life

On p. 154, Orange notes “As a wise person said, ‘Trauma may always be with you, but you can carry it differently.’ Trauma continues to inform our lives, and we can grow from its lessons. I may reject the concept of closure when it comes to trauma, but I can embrace the importance of acknowledgement.”

She also shares a saying often heard in recovery groups, “You can’t change the wind, but you can adjust the sails.”

This book is rich with golden nuggets such as the above. It has much to offer those of us who have been living with PTSD, up close and personal. In my own life, I have found “It takes one to know one.” Only those who have “walked the walk” can truly relate.

Orange’s compassion for those of us who have suffered deep grief and loss, shines throughout the book. She is an excellent writer who has written extensively about addiction and recovery, parenting and PTSD.

She also co-facilitates a caregivers’ support group, and she and her husband often speak to groups about the effects of trauma and war in their continuing involvement with veterans and veterans’ issues.

I highly recommend this book for those interested in understanding and healing PTSD!

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By Charlene Rubush, January 11, 2013 4:05 pm

I’ve just downloaded this excellent booklet, and want to pass on the link:

http://www.ptsd.va.gov/public/understanding_TX/booklet.pdf

The booklet describes therapies and medications that are proven to help people with PTSD.

You’ll hear from experts about what treatment is like, and how it can help you. Don’t let PTSD get in the way of your enjoyment of life, hurt your relationships, or cause problems for you at work or school. PTSD treatment works!

There are also some inspiring success stories included. Check it out. Remember, Knowledge is Power…

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By Charlene Rubush, January 5, 2013 4:09 pm

I’ve just learned about a Christian-based organization dedicated to helping and supporting military wives. Wives of Faith is a way for military spouses to connect and be encouraged.

On their website, you will find articles, blog posts and resources to help spouses navigate the ups and downs that military life brings – the overwhelming emotions of deployment, the joys of homecoming, and the frustrations and issues that frequently pop up along the way.

They note “In addition to sharing the special bond of being military wives, the women who connect on this website, through our newsletter and through small groups in their communities also share another bond as believers in Jesus. We know that without Him in the center of our lives, our marriages, and our families, we wouldn’t have much of a chance. As Wives of Faith, we know not just to pray for each other, but we know how to pray for one another. And we know we can’t do anything without Jesus.”

They also are looking for military wives who are interested in writing for the site and their newsletter, on a volunteer basis. The only requirement is to be passionate about helping other military wives!

To learn more, go to:

http://www.wivesoffaith.org

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By Charlene Rubush, December 28, 2012 4:14 pm

Here we are- ready to celebrate the coming New Year. There will be many parties and lots of booze flowing freely. But for those folks who are afflicted with PTSD, drinking alcohol to excess can cause big trouble for the trauma survivor and his/her family.

From an excellent article titled “PTSD and Problems with Alcohol Use” found on the National Center for PTSD website, we learn that:

“Up to three quarters of those who have survived abusive or violent trauma report drinking problems. They are at risk even if they do not have PTSD. Women with drinking problems are more likely than other women to have been sexually abused at some time in their lives. Both men and women who have been sexually abused have higher rates of alcohol and drug problems than others.”

Sixty to eighty percent of Vietnam Veterans seeking PTSD treatment have alcohol use problems. War veterans with PTSD and alcohol use problems tend to be binge drinkers. Binges may be in response to memories of trauma. Veterans over the age of 65 with PTSD are at higher risk for a suicide attempt, if they also have drinking problems or depression.

These are really shocking statistics. And as the article also points out, alcohol can actually make PTSD symptoms worse. The experts state “You may drink because using alcohol can distract you from your problems for a short time. You should know, though, that drinking makes it harder to concentrate, be productive, and enjoy all parts of life. Problems with alcohol are linked to a confused and disorderly life.”

I’m of the Vietnam generation and I know too well the hell that alcohol abuse in a loved one can cause. I’ve seen up close and personal the effects of chemical insanity on the one who abuses substances, the distorted thinking that goes along with it, and the ensuing, miserable effects on the family. Fortunately, I now know the peace that can come with a life of sobriety. It’s a hard-won battle, but well worth the price.

To read the whole article and to learn about the most effective treatment patterns for those with PTSD and alcohol abuse, go to:

http://www.ptsd.va.gov/public/pages/ptsd-alcohol-use.asp

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By Charlene Rubush, December 11, 2012 4:56 pm

The holidays can be pretty stressful for the general population, with all the high expectations, hype, and sentimental music. And combat vets and their families may experience even greater anxiety than the average family.

For many veterans, the holidays bring back memories of some pretty horrendous events they’ve experienced. They then may have “anniversary reactions” that are either conscious or subconscious. This might result in nightmares, increased anxiety, and uncomfortable physical reactions.

I can remember some pretty sad holidays I spent with my first spouse when he came back from the war. While nothing was said about Nam, I knew his experiences were always there in the back of his mind. He’d stay away from home a lot, while I was left to do all the preparations, like trimming the tree, buying and wrapping presents, etc.

It was up to me to try and remain cheerful for the children. Putting on a happy face when you’re feeling sad and lonely, can be exhausting after awhile. And in those days, we had no Internet, no support at all. At least today we have information available that can help us get the most out of the holidays, or sometimes to merely “survive” them.

The website VietNow has an excellent article on “Coping with the Holidays.” How I wish I’d had something like that to read, back in the day when I was dealing with such challenges with my combat spouse. But better late, than never.

As the authors, Mary Tendall and Jan Fishler note in the article:

Coping with a grumpy spouse is a challenge that often requires compassion and creativity.

For more insights on how to best handle the holidays with your combat spouse, go to:

 http://www.vietnow.com/pagesptsd/ptsdholidays.htm

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By Charlene Rubush, December 7, 2012 4:45 pm

I’ve just learned of another important resource for our combat vets and their families.

Combat Vets Helping Combat Vets (CVHCV) is a not-for-profit organization dedicated to helping Combat Veterans–individuals  who operated in theatre, on the ground, and outside the wire in Iraq or Afghanistan.

Their organizational focus is with this group of Veterans who suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), in addition to other physical and mental injuries as a consequence of their service in a combat zone.

They specialize in Veterans Administration disability compensation and Federal Social Security Disability. They are a ‘one stop shop’ that provides all these services in one day!!

CVHCV will fill all paperwork/online forms out for the Veteran, follow up on the case status for the Veteran, and coordinate with other organizations (DAV, VFW, VA, etc) as needed. In addition, they seek out Veterans to attempt to put these mechanisms in motion due to the fact that most Veterans do not seek help until they manifest extreme PTSD and are suicidal/homicidal, arrested, etc.

This entire effort is to achieve one goal: to get Veterans in treatment immediately, before they get into legal trouble, harm themselves or others, commit suicide, or continue to psychologically and spiritually suffer and struggle due to their combat experience. They provide this at no cost to the Veteran.

Currently, there is no other organization which does this and they are proud to be able to help.

Visit their website at:

http://www.combatvets4combatvets.com

They are also on Facebook.

Note:

I am so happy that I’ve found out about this amazing resource, and I hope those of you in need, will reach out and contact them.