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By Charlene Rubush, April 26, 2013 3:09 pm

Doug Thorburn’s enlightening book How to Spot Hidden Alcoholics-Using Behavioral  Clues to Recognize Addiction in its Early Stages, provides some information that is quite astounding.

In the Introduction, he asserts that “One of the surprising things about alcoholism is how little most experts know. The main problem is that the definition they have agreed upon fails to describe the affliction in its early-stages. As a result, the current practice of identifying alcoholism is comparable to waiting until tumors become the size of basketballs before diagnosing cancer.”

When I reflect on my own personal experience with loved ones and friends, I can see how true it is. Too many people I’ve known and cared for have suffered this very sad, yet predictable fate. Some of them were combat vets and too young to have to die from this treatable disease.

We’re losing many of our returning Iraq and Afghanistan combat vets to this miserable illness, as well as our Vietnam vets, Gulf War, WWII; the list goes on and on.

Another tragic fact about alcoholism is found in Part III, titled “Middle-Stage or Polydrug Clues (pg.83.) The author notes “Although displaying multiple symptoms of early-stage alcoholism, most alcoholics are not identified as such until well into the progression of the disease.

Father Joseph Martin suggests that it can take about nine years on average for a spouse to begin tentatively diagnosing alcoholism in the other spouse. It probably takes another ten or twenty years for the non-alcoholic spouse to share suspicions with outsiders. No one is served by keeping the family secrets, yet the stigma of alcoholism precludes discussion, without which a confirmed diagnosis may be impossible.”  Continue reading 'A Surprising Fact About The Co-Alcoholic Spouse'»

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By Charlene Rubush, November 23, 2012 5:44 pm

Here it is, the day after Thanksgiving, and I’ve been reflecting on the subject of gratitude. For some reason, I was taken back to a dark time in my life, in the late 80’s.

I had been attending counseling sessions at the Veterans Outreach Center, as I tried to adjust to my “new normal” of becoming an ex-wife of a Vietnam War combat vet. My counselor had introduced me to the works of Victor Frankl, author of “Man’s Search for Meaning.” One of Frankl’s quotes goes like this:

When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.

I’d also been going to Al-Anon and Open AA meetings for sometime, due to a family member’s alcohol problems. My life seemed to consist of constant stress and increasing feelings of hopelessness and despair.

Then, in the midst of all of my downheartedness, people in meetings were talking about how an “attitude of gratitude” could help us better cope with whatever problems we were facing.

Many evenings, as I sat silently listening to others relay their own struggles, I would think to myself, “But you don’t know how hard I have it! You don’t know what has happened to me.” Continue reading 'Gratitude- A Help in Healing PTSD and the Human Spirit'»

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By Charlene Rubush, April 18, 2012 12:53 pm

I believe it’s safe to say—all of us know an alcoholic. They may be a “hidden” alcoholic, or their affliction may be obvious. Doug Thorburn, an expert on alcoholism and addiction, has written an eye-opening book titled Alcoholism-Myths and Realities—Removing the Stigma of Society’s Most Destructive Disease.

I’ve mentioned here before that I am a huge fan of Thorburn’s work. I often revisit his books and gain new insights. In Chapter 1, he writes:

Alcoholism is the most misunderstood of all diseases. This is rather surprising, since 1 out of 10 people has this disease and we are all directly or indirectly affected. Yet the doctors and psychologists whom we trust to treat diseases and mental disorders are almost completely untrained in understanding and diagnosing the affliction.

Thorburn also notes that psychologists are schooled in the idea that childhood trauma and other negative environmental factors can cause alcoholism even though the evidence shows that such influences only shape its course.

Facts about alcoholism:

• Secondary diseases are usually diagnosed long before alcoholism is identified, even though the latter is the root cause and primary contributing factor to at least 300 other illnesses and other disorders.
• Emergency room medical personnel treat symptoms of addiction, including accidents, in an estimated 50 to 80% of admissions, yet rarely test for alcohol or other drugs in the system.
• Most people balk at calling someone an alcoholic even if some of their behaviors are bizarre or destructive.
• Epilepsy, diabetes, leprosy, tuberculosis and other diseases were attributed in past centuries to character defects such as a lack of morals or witchcraft until their true causes were indentified.
• Over one hundred years after the stigma of the last of these diseases was largely removed, those labeled as alcoholics continue to suffer disgrace.
• Almost all those who have addicted family members in rehab, are ashamed.

When you think about these things, it’s pretty evident that we, as a society, are really failing those who are addicted and are suffering from alcoholism. I believe the only way attitudes will change, is with a massive movement on education. I’ve found all of Thorburn’s books to be outstanding.

For more information, go to Doug Thorburn’s websites:

http://www.AlcoholismMythsandRealities.com

http://www.preventragedy.com

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By Charlene Rubush, April 9, 2012 2:00 pm

Nearly every day I visit one of my favorite websites, The Fix. Today I read an excellent article by Vicki Hogarth, who is a recovering alcoholic, freelance writer and former celebrity journalist.

The title of the piece is Relapsing on Mouthwash. The subtitle says a lot.

The meetings I went to were creepy enough for me to avoid the program altogether—and eventually relapse while gargling. Then I realized something had to change: me.

I won’t go into the whole article, but the gist of it was, that Vicki had gone to a 28-day rehab, and when she came out, she really wasn’t into AA meetings. She found the meetings depressing.

She tried going out with her friends from work who drank, and she stayed sober for awhile. But as months went by, she notes that the “novelty of my sobriety wore off.”

One morning before work, she was gargling mouthwash, and instead of spitting it out, she swallowed it. Well, this brought on a buzz and before you know it, she was doing it too often. Within two weeks of binging on mouthwash, she had to detox with medical support.

Fortunately, this episode led her back to AA, where she found an AA meeting of people young, like herself. She even met an acquaintance there, and she finally began to feel comfortable with AA and the program.

Reading this article reminded me of an experience I had while attending Open AA meetings. (I’m not an alcoholic. I was trying to understand a loved one’s behavior.) Much to my surprise one night, I met an old friend and co-worker there. Jane had hired me for my first hairdressing job and was probably the first alcoholic I had daily interaction with. (Although I didn’t realize she had a problem at the time.)

I even went out with her a few times, and noticed she really downed the drinks awfully fast. But since I’d never been around that kind of behavior at that time in my life, I wasn’t particularly alarmed. Jane wasn’t a loud drunk. She actually became strangely quiet. It never occurred to me then, that I was putting myself in danger by riding with her.

Sadly, Jane’s problem was so bad, that one evening she went out barhopping alone, and got so drunk that she hit and killed a woman while driving. I still remember Jane being out of work due to her own injuries. She had all of her teeth knocked out and many broken bones. I never did know if she had to serve any jail time.

It was strange to meet up with her again so many years later in AA. But now I look back and feel extremely grateful that I wasn’t with her that horrible night. I’m also hoping she is still working her program and will never get in a car and drive drunk again.

To read Vicki’s article, go to:

http://www.thefix.com/content/hating-aa-drove-me-drink-moutwash-10038?page=all

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By Charlene Rubush, February 3, 2012 6:10 pm

After the Al-Anon meeting where I first heard the term dry drunk, I began to investigate what it meant. When I had first been led to start attending meetings, I actually believed that overindulgence in alcohol was an alcoholic’s major problem.

I was so uninformed, that I thought if a person quit overindulging, then all the attendant problems would magically fall away. Boy, was I in for a surprise. Mike, my former boyfriend of 9 months, hadn’t had a drink in over 5 years. Yet his behavior was unpredictable, extremely cold, and too often, angry.

Much of his anger was related to his time in Vietnam. He had shared with me that he’d gotten very good at killing. I think he bore a lot of shame over that. To make matters worse, his family were all drinkers. When he finally hit bottom and went to AA, he had to abstain from being around his family. It was all so very sad.

Yet I wasn’t willing to subject myself to an angry person again (combat vet or not)  for the long haul. I had enough of my own baggage to deal with at the time.

Here are some thoughts from an article on Dry Drunk Syndrome by Buddy T.  from the About.com website:

“Unfortunately when many former drinkers go through the grieving process over the loss of their old friend, the bottle, some never get past the anger stage … whether they realized it or not, they began the stages of grieving—denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance—the same stages people go through when they have a great loss in their lives or have been told they have a terminal illness.”

Learning about the many aspects of alcoholism has opened my eyes to the harsh realities someone with an addictive personality, or predisposition to becoming alcoholic, must face.

As I heard many times in meetings, “There, but for the grace of God, go I.”I’m so grateful that I do not have the problem myself. I have much empathy for those who do.

To learn more about the Dry Drunk Syndrome, read the complete article at:

http://alcoholism.about.com/cs/info/a/aa081397.htm

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By Charlene Rubush, August 18, 2010 7:33 pm

To glean a better understanding of the mysterious, baffling disease of alcoholism, I often return to the work of alcoholism expert Doug Thorburn. Our society, as a whole, has a long way to go in learning about this insidious disease:

I’m listing below some startling facts from Thorburn’s excellent book, Alcoholism Myths and Realities- Removing the Stigma of Society’s Most Destructive Disease. It’s a well-known fact that our returning combat veterans are often struggling with alcohol abuse.

• Alcoholism is the most misunderstood of all diseases. This is rather surprising, since 1 out of 10 people have this disease and we are all directly or indirectly affected.
• Doctors and psychologists whom we trust to treat diseases and mental disorders are almost completely untrained in understanding and diagnosing the affliction.
• Medical doctors take as few as 24 classroom hours on the subject, virtually all on treating withdrawal and none on diagnosis.
• Psychologists are schooled in the idea that childhood trauma and other negative environmental factors can cause alcoholism, even though the evidence shows that such influences only shape its course.
• Secondary diseases are usually diagnosed long before alcoholism is identified.
• Alcoholism is the root cause or primary contributing factor to at least 300 other illnesses and disorders.
• Emergency room medical personnel treat symptoms of addiction, including accidents, in an estimated 50 to 80% of admissions, yet rarely test for alcohol or other drugs in the system.

I believe it is imperative that we teach a course on alcoholism in the primary grades. Thorburn notes (p.9) that most recovering alcoholics tell us they triggered alcoholism during their first drinking episode, usually at age 12 or 13.

Thinking back to my own education on this affliction, ( in my late 30′s) it took me attending a treatment center for 52 lectures on the subject, before I began to grasp the “big picture” of this disease. It is that complex; affecting body, mind and soul.

Doug Thorburn is one of the most forward-thinking of today’s alcoholism experts. I highly recommend all his books, and checking out his wonderful website and free newsletter. Get educated. The life you save may be your own, or that of a loved one. Go to:

 http://preventtragedy.com

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By Charlene Rubush, June 30, 2010 8:55 pm

Stunning Fact: 46% of American families lives are touched by alcoholism.

Toby Rice Drews is a licensed social worker/counselor who specializes in treating the families of alcoholics. Her series of books, entitled “Getting Them Sober” have helped numerous families of alcoholics to understand that:

“Alcoholism isn’t just about drinking. It’s a family disease. It causes the wife and kids to become as addicted to the alcoholic as the alcoholic is addicted to the booze. While the alcoholic lies passed out, anesthetized, his family goes through the years of his drinking, stark, raving sober. Their world is like no sane family’s worlds. They believe lies, expect miracles, have him locked up, bail him out, wish he were dead, and pray that he gets home safely.” Continue reading 'Getting Them Sober Foundation Helps Families of Alcoholics'»