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By Charlene Rubush, October 31, 2012 9:55 pm

The PTSD Forum is a terrific informational website that offers a chatroom for those living with PTSD. You’ll find some inspiring PTSD success stories there!

Check it out at:

www.ptsdforum.org

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By Charlene Rubush, October 10, 2012 3:18 pm

The National Center for PTSD website has excellent fact sheets on anything PTSD-related. Here are some highlights on how living with PTSD affects family members:

PTSD Can Make Somebody Hard to Be With.

• Living with someone who is easily startled, has nightmares, and often avoids social situations can take a toll on the most caring family.
• Early research on PTSD has shown the harmful impact of PTSD on families.
• This research showed that Vietnam veterans have more marital  problems and family violence.
• Their partners have more distress.
• Their children have more behavior problems that those of veterans without PTSD.
• Veterans with the most severe symptoms has families with the worst functioning.

Common Reactions of Family Members:

Sympathy 

You may feel sorry for your loved one’s suffering. But be careful not to treat him as a permanently disabled person. With help, he (or she) can feel better.

Negative Feelings

PTSD can make someone seem like a different person. Your family member may seem to no longer have the traits you loved. It may be hard to feel good about them. The best way to avoid negative feelings is to EDUCATE yourself about PTSD.

Even if your loved one refuses treatment, you may benefit from some support.

Depression

This is common among family members when the person with PTSD causes feelings of pain or loss. When PTSD lasts a long time, you may begin to lose hope that your family will ever “get back to normal.”

Note:

Social support is extremely important for preventing and helping with PTSD.

It is important for family members to take care of themselves: both for their own good, and to help the person dealing with PTSD.

To read the whole fact sheet, go to:

http://www.ptsd.va.gov/public/pages/effects-ptsd-family.asp

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By Charlene Rubush, July 6, 2012 5:12 pm

Part Two:

Thank goodness, today there seems to be a greater awareness of the high price military families pay when their loved ones go off to war.

I know that the day I listened to Bert Carson, a Vietnam veteran speak, (back in the early 90′s) was an integral part of  healing my psychic wounds. When he asked those women in the audience who were wives of combat vets, to stand up and be recognized, I felt I was no longer invisible and alone.

Only those who “have been there” truly know just how hard life can be when your loved one comes back from war and is not the person you said “goodbye” to. Looking back on my experience of being a spouse of a combat vet, reminds me that my life back then, was anything but “normal.”

When my Vietnam vet husband came back from Nam, he left the military. Therefore, we were pretty much on our own. We never received any material from the military advising us that we might be eligible for counseling should we encounter problems related to my husband’s service. We’d never heard the term “Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder.” It was like we were stumbling around in the dark, trying to find the light switch.

I doubt that any of my civilian friends were experiencing nights like I had, where my sleep was interrupted 3-4 nights a week, by a stumbling, incoherent drunk, mumbling about things he’s seen and done in Nam.

I rarely shared what was happening at home with friends, and never with relatives. I felt it was “private” and “embarrassing.”

Today I know that my “keeping of secrets” was what helped me become seriously depressed, physically ill, and feeling hopeless.

It was only years later, after my divorce, that I was able to “speak my truth.” What a freeing thing that was. Every time I spoke about my experience (to counselors and often to strangers) I felt a lifting and renewal of my spirit. I found that once I realized I was “proud of myself” for enduring what many people wouldn’t or couldn’t endure, I could use that truth to heal my deepest wounds.

I hope that all of you out there now, who are going through the toughest of times with your veteran, will pat yourself on the back. Don’t be afraid to “speak your truth” to a listening ear.

If you can’t find someone to listen, (but I’m sure you will) pour your heart out on a journal page, or even speak into a recorder. There is great POWER in owning your experiences, and acknowledging your personal sacrifices.

Hopefully you will find that Earnest Hemingway’s words “life breaks us all and afterward many are strong at the broken places” apply to you.

Today I know that has been true for me. Even with all the heartache, drama, and trauma, I take great pride in having been a spouse of a war veteran.

I wish all of you well on your personal journeys. Speak your truth and Keep the faith…

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By Charlene Rubush, September 29, 2010 10:52 pm

Over the years, I’ve accumulated quite a resource library on Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. I’m always happy to pass along comments and reviews on books that have proved invaluable to me. I’ve found that the “Dummies” books are generally of very high-quality, and are laid out in an easy-to-read and digest format.

Mark Goulston, MD, the author of this 2007 book, is an expert on PTSD, suicide prevention, violence intervention, and maintains a private clinical practice. He has taught or lectured at UCLA, USC, and Fortune 500 companies, as well as trained FBI  and police hostage negotiators.

While this book is now several years old, it provides an amazing array of sound ideas and proven therapies for treating PTSD, in its many forms.

This review is from:

 Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder For Dummies (Paperback, Copyright 2007, Wiley Publishing, Inc.)

—Outstanding Resource, from One Who Knows

This is a comprehensive look at a very serious subject. Written by Mark Goulston, MD, a top psychiatrist and life-skills coach, the book delivers invaluable information and advice for those living with PTSD.

It’s also an excellent primer for anyone interested in the subject. Dr. Goulston writes with a conversational tone that is very comforting. His primary message to his reader is “There is a road out of this terrible place.”

PTSD victims and their family members have to be reminded of this at every turn, for the depression and isolation that usually comes with PTSD, too often leads to suicide. We are seeing this more and more in combat veterans.

While Dr. Goulston notes that PTSD is a major, life-altering disorder, and an “invisible epidemic” affecting at least 13 million Americans of every age, he also asserts the good news today, is that PTSD is highly treatable.

PTSD is a complex illness, and there are many manifestations of it. The author explains that there are two primary types of PTSD: Simple and Complex. Simple PTSD usually follows a single event, while Complex PTSD can occur after repeated traumas. Goulston gives insights into the amazing array of available treatments that now offer relief and healing.

He addresses the challenges and stresses facing the loved ones of those with PTSD, as well as nearly every facet of this “Anxiety Disorder.” He also manages to infuse the book with flashes of humor, a much-needed tool for fighting PTSD.

This book will help anyone interested in PTSD, and that should be all of us, as we’re all just one traumatic event away from it. As our war veterans return from Iraq and Afghanistan, this vital resource can provide great hope and understanding.

Don’t be mislead by the “Dummies” label. This book is chock-full of scientific facts, and proven remedies. A very important work on PTSD. Highly, enthusiastically recommended!!

• To read more reviews, go to http://www.amazon.com/books

Note: This book also contains “Cheat Sheets” in the front, such as “Simple Stress Busters,” “Truths to Hold Onto,” and “Important Numbers to Have on Hand.” There is also an informational section titled “Are Your PTSD Meds Working for You?” which tells you the things to watch for, both positive and negative, while taking these meds.

I’ll get on my soapbox again. Where were books like this when we, of the Vietnam generation, needed them? I guess the answer is– they were waiting to be born.

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By Charlene Rubush, September 10, 2010 10:55 pm

One of the hardest aspects I faced of dealing with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder years ago, was the feeling of being alone. Plus the disorder didn’t even have a name. While I knew on a gut level something was terribly wrong with my life, I couldn’t quite put my finger on it. There was a vague sense of unease and invariably, as I would drive to work in the mornings, I noticed a tightness in my forehead that was very disconcerting.

It was many years later, before I learned that the tightness I’d been experiencing was a sign of depression. I had no one to talk to about what I was experiencing. So I tried to ignore the way I was feeling, and just “suck it up.” It was a difficult way to try and function through daily life.

Today there is such an abundance of knowledge, and of course, much of that knowledge is shared within support groups. Meetup.com can help you find a support group for dealing with Post-Traumatic Stress. If one doesn’t exist in your area, you might want to consider starting your own.

Here is some information on the network from their site:

“Meetup is the world’s largest network of local groups. Meetup makes it easy for anyone to organize a local group or find one of the thousands already meeting up face-to-face. More than 2,000 groups get together in local communities each day, each one with the goal of improving themselves or their communities.

Meetup’s mission is to revitalize local community and help people around the world self-organize. Meetup believes that people can change their personal world, or the whole world, by organizing themselves into groups that are powerful enough to make a difference.”

Meetup helps people connect with various interests. It doesn’t have to be PTSD. That’s just one option. To learn more, go to:

http://www.meetup.com

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By Charlene Rubush, June 7, 2010 12:40 pm

Part Two:

More from the www.helpstartshere.org website article on tips for veterans and their spouses living with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder: I’ve added a few of my own ideas too.

Things to Remember

•  Always be truthful with your vet. This builds trust. Tell him calmly when his behavior is not normal. If you don’t know if it’s normal, ask others, and observe others. Don’t walk on eggshells. 
• Accept that he probably will never be totally the same. He is now, in many ways, a different person.
• Grieve for what is lost, and move on. This is your life now, even though it’s not fair.
• Stay on top of medications. Try to notice the changes with new medications or when he stops taking meds, and report this calmly to your vet. Suggest he call his medication prescriber if the side effects are problematic. Running out of meds can trigger depression and other problems.
• Anticipate drug and alcohol problems. Learn about resources for you, your kids and for your vet. Find out what to do. Discourage him from isolating and drinking or doing drugs.
• If he isolates himself, point this out and encourage involvement with family, sources of help. Don’t go with isolation for long periods of time.
• Short periods of withdrawal to help control anger make sense, but withdrawing from life into a “bunker” is not helpful.
• When you have conflict, which is normal and to be expected, focus on the issue at hand and resist bringing up issues from the past. Stay focused on the issue, not the person and seek solutions, not who is to blame.
• If possible, set a time limit for hot topics of a few minutes, and take a time-out with an agreement to discuss this issue later. Be sure to again discuss later.
• If you feel concerned about violence in your home, bring others into the situation: your minister, a trusted friend, a counseling professional and talk about your concerns calmly when things are not escalated.
• Don’t keep any concerns about violence secret. If necessary, to protect yourself and your children, call the police!
• Sometimes war experiences cause a spiritual crisis, a loss of faith. If your vet’s not finding help with this, you might encourage him to keep looking. There are spiritual advisors who understand combat and PTSD.
• Physical exercise helps everyone release anxiety and tension. Stay active and   encourage your vet to do the same. Regular meals, good nutrition, plenty of rest and time for play help everyone cope with stress.
• Take care of yourself in many different ways. You matter just as much as your vet!!
• Handling traumatic stress in a loved one is very stressful for most partners! Learn and use stress reduction techniques, such as meditation, guided imagery, journaling about your feelings, talking to a friend, and joining a support group. Twelve step programs are free and found everywhere.

Enjoy the good times. When bad times come, hang on! Good times will come again.

 Stay tuned:

I’ll be sharing more from this website, and words from this particular support group. The Epilogue to the whole article states:

 “This is an article in progress. We are learning that many of the Iraq vets have traumatic brain injury as well as PTSD, which brings new challenges, and often requires a spouse to remember things for their vet.

We are learning that it is hard to tell how much someone can recover from a traumatic brain injury. We believe that drawing together in a community of support and encouragement is still the best way to face these unknowns, and we are grateful for the good company of one another.”

Visit:

http://www.helpstartshere.org

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By Charlene Rubush, June 6, 2010 2:32 pm

Part One:

Another good website sponsored by social workers, which offers excellent information for the general public and for combat veterans and their families is:

 http://www.helpstartshere.org.

Susan Evans, LICSW, runs a support group, and offers the following information (which I’m summarizing).

 “There is not a day goes by that PTSD does not play some part in that day.”

-Trudi, Spouse of Vietnam Combat Veteran 

Introduction

The Journal of the American Medical Association in March, 2006, reported that 35 percent of Iraq war veterans sought treatment for mental health issues within a year of coming home.

The Department of Defense now estimates that between 15 percent and 29 percent of veterans from the war in Iraq and Afghanistan will suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).

The caseload for mental health counselors in the Veterans Administration is six times higher than anticipated. By 2008 more than 400,000 troops could need mental health treatment if this trend continues. Who will help the spouses and families of these combat veterans?

 Stepping Up to Help

Eleven women with vast experience dealing with combat veterans returning home from war are using what they’ve learned by contributing to this article. They are married to vets who have significant PTSD disabilities from previous wars, and the Iraq War. Their goal is to offer support, encouragement and hope to the spouses and families of Iraq and Afghanistan vets.

They offer the following thoughts while recognizing that each war is unique and some of these suggestions may not be appropriate for the most recent wars.

• Listen and Do Not Judge
• Know What to Look For. Educate Yourself about PTSD!
• Accept Help. / Be Willing to Accept Help, Even if He Doesn’t!
• Protect Yourself and Your Family Even if He Can’t
• Help Your Children. Go to the PTSD Information Helpline at 802-296-6300

 Remember:

You cannot fix the PTSD symptoms. Those are his symptoms that he has to learn to manage or not. Make your own goals and keep them in your focus. These goals might be improving your own health with good nutrition, exercise, and rest, or spending time with friends, or doing special things for yourself.

Go to http://www.ncptsd.org for constantly updated info on PTSD and resources.

To read complete article now, go to:

http://www.helpstartshere.org/tip-sheets/veterans-affairs-tip-sheet-help-for-spouses-of-com

Charlene’s Note:

I’ll be posting more on this article soon. As a former spouse of a Vietnam veteran, and one with very little help at the time I needed it, I’m so grateful to pass on this terrific information for today’s vets and their families. There is hope and help out there for you!