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By Charlene Rubush, October 15, 2010 4:09 pm

From the National Network to End Domestic Violence website:

http://www.nnedv.org

Domestic violence is a crime of epidemic proportions and a public health crisis – affecting one in every four women during her life time and 15.5 million children every year.

Urge Congress to Reauthorize the Family Violence Prevention and Services Act (FVPSA)

FVPSA is the heart of our nation’s response to domestic violence – funding lifesaving services for victims and their children at over 1,600 domestic violence shelters and programs across the country. However, FVPSA expired in 2008 and must be reauthorized so federal funds can continue to support crucial work. Please help ensure victims and their children have a place to rebuild their shattered lives.

 

 

Too many of us can relate to victims of domestic violence. When I read about the resources that are available to victims today, I am reminded of my own experience back i nthe 1980′s. My then husband, a Nam combat vet, was coming home dead drunk about four nights of the week.

He’d usually arrive home about 3 or 4 am. I’d never know what to expect. Some nights he’d be in a romantic mood. Other nights, he’d be in an angry, hateful mood. One night he called from a bar, and was verbally abusive on the phone. I knew I would be in for a hellish night once he got home. I was at my breaking point, and decided I was not going to be there when he arrived.

Not wanting to go to my parents (too ashamed for them to know what was really going on in my life) I drove myself and yyoung daughter to a pay phone. I looked in the yellow pages and called a womens’ shelter. A female answered the phone. I told her I was frantic, and needed a safe place to spend the night.

She answered, “I’m sorry, I can’t help you. There’s no counselor here right now. I’m just staying here myself.”  Hearing her words, I felt like I’d just been punched hard in my stomach. It had taken me years to get to this point of  utter desperation. I hung up the phone and got back in the car. I looked in my purse, and counted out thirty-five dollars.

I started driving to a main drag in our town, that had numerous cheap motels. Soon, my befuddled daughter and I were inside a dreary room, with a double bed. We laid down and tried to rest, but angy, drunken voices next door made it impossible to relax (as if we could have considering the circumstances).

It was a horrendous experience; one that to this day I’d rather not recall..After that night, I felt more trapped in my situation than ever. I’d finally reached out fo help, and exposed my dirty little secret, and there was no help for me.

That’s why I feel so passionate about the availability of domestic violence shelters for those who are suffering abuse at home. I pray no woman (or man) who is being abused, will ever be turned away, as I was.  Now, some twenty-five years late, I still get a knot in my stomach whenever I pass by a Scottish Inn motel.

Organizations such as the National Network to End Domestic Violence are working hard to make sure a safe place will exist for those who need it.

 

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By Charlene Rubush, October 11, 2010 4:01 pm

I’m continuing to post reviews of books that have helped me in my understanding of the long-term effects of living with PTSD. Family members of combat vets often suffer terrible consequences of being in close proximity to their beloved veteran, whether the PTSD is untreated or treated. True recovery does not come easily. Too often it doesn’t come at all.

Reading  real stories of those who are making it, day-by-day, can provide hope and raise awareness of this ongoing issue. After finishing Mary S. King’s memoir, all I wanted to do was give her a hug. She certainly deserves one for all she’s been through, and all that she has given. My review is of the First Edition of “Facing the Wall.” (It’s now available in a revised and expanded version).  

Facing the Wall- A Mission- a never-ending journey by Mary S. King

This Should Become a Classic —”PTSD is a Family Issue”

Mary S. King has written a book that should be required reading for every American citizen. She deserves a Vietnam Service Medal, as she has served, and continues to serve our country in an honorable way.

She has taken her marriage vows seriously, as she loves and supports her combat veteran husband, Jim, who is still suffering from his wartime experience. With this book, she invites us into their world. It is a world of broken dreams. She has had to accept that the early promise of her marriage to a decent, caring man, has deteriorated into a lifetime of their having to fight horrendous demons of the war.

With great bravery, she takes over the role of breadwinner and support system for her husband, who is too damaged mentally and emotionally to handle that role. She loves her husband and their two sons fiercely, going above and beyond the call of duty as she stands by Jim through his depressions, flashbacks, and eventual hospitalizations in the VA.

It is only after he is officially diagnosed with Post-Traumatic Stress Syndrome that things improve somewhat. As Mary notes, “when you fight PTSD, or any illness, it is easier to struggle against it when you know what the demon is that you are fighting.”

Their ensuing trip to The Wall in Washington, D.C. is an emotionally wrenching scene that is hard to forget. This book provides great insight into the true emotional, physical, mental and spiritual costs of war for veterans, their family and friends.

Mary is a true American heroine, standing for the values of faithfullness, courage and hope. Her story speaks for legions of women who have paid a steep price for loving a war veteran. I know of what I speak, for I was once a “Vietnam wife.”

How sad that this book is so timely, as the Iraq war rages on. Fortunately, the wives, sweethearts, and families of our veterans in this latest war, will have this book to inform, inspire and encourage them.

It’s a book Mary, myself and so many others wish we could have had many years ago, when there was nothing written for or about us.

Thank you Mary, for shining a light on us!

http://www.amazon.com/books

Note: This review was written before we were so heavily embroiled in the war in Afghanistan. That war seems to have no end in sight.

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By Charlene Rubush, March 6, 2010 5:46 pm

I just found this organization today. Taryn Davis, just 23 years young, was looking forward to a happy life with her soul mate, Michael. Then on May 1, 2007, her dreams of their future life together, died. Michael had been killed by a series of roadside bombs just an hour and a half after they’d last spoken.

Lost and alone in the new world she was thrust into, Taryn began traveling around the country to hear other women’s stories of love, tragedy, and survival. She hoped to learn more about her new title, that of a “military widow.” Those first steps in adjusting to her new life, have resulted in a non-profit corporation, a 75 minute documentary film, and a growing website. She has embraced her new life with enthusiam and passion.

Her mission statement reads “ The American Widow Project is a non-profit organization dedicated to the new generation of those who have lost the heroes of yesterday, today, and tomorrow, with an emphasis on healing through sharing stories, tears and laughter … Military Widow to Military Widow.” Continue reading 'The American Widow Project Offers Hope, Solace, and Sisterhood'»