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By Charlene Rubush, October 6, 2010 10:03 pm

In light of  October being “Domestic Violence Awareness Month” I’m posting some reviews of books I’ve found helpful in understanding what causes a spouse or loved one to resort to domestic abuse, often in the form of verbal and emotional abuse. I learned a lot by reading the book  listed below: (This review is posted on http://www.amazon.com)

No Visible Wounds: Identifying Non-Physical Abuse of Women by Their  Men by Mary Susan Miller Ph.D. (Ballantine Books, 1996)

                —An Awesome Book Shining Light on a Pervasive Problem, that also Provides Hope

Even if you, as a woman, have not been personally affected by verbal and emotional abuse, surely you know of a woman who has been, or is currently being harmed.

I am so grateful for having found this book, as it is extremely enlightening on many levels. The problem of  verbal, emotional, mental abuse in relationships, plus men controlling and demeaning women,   is too common in our society, as well as all over the world.

Dr. Miller’s work as an assistant in Family Court, aiding and counseling abused women, has given her a deep understanding of how the abuser operates. She delves deeply into the tactics he often uses, such as isolation from friends and family, name-calling meant to erode self-esteem, the playing of mind games, economic control, etc.

Miller not only names the problem, but provides informed advice for those women hoping or planning to leave their abuser.
She stresses the importance of obtaining counseling, which can help break through the wall of denial a victim experiences, plus provide comfort, relief, and help point out options the victim may be unaware of.

The book points out the many pitfalls a woman may experience as she fights her way out of her situation. There are police officers who may side with the abuser, as well as the fact that few judges will impose a jail sentence for non-physical abuse.

Yet, there are glimmers of change in society. Dr. Miller writes of programs such as EMERGE, the first men’s group for batterers, which opened in 1977, at the urging of local women’s shelters.

While we’re not there yet, Dr. Miller hopes for a day when programs begin to address non-physical abuse with the concern they express over physical abuse.

I believe this book should be required reading for students, male and female, while in middle school. The awareness that it brings might spare many people untold grief in their romantic relationships.

Dr. Miller is to be highly commended for this vital resource on this unpleasant, shameful subject which needs more exposure in our society. Wish I could give it ten stars!

Note:

While this book has been around for quite awhile, it gives excellent insights into the problem of verbal, emotional and mental abuse. It’s one I have found to be very valuable in beginning to understand the workings of the mind of an abuser, their tactics, the effect on the victim. It’s eye-opening, and can help the victim begin to find a way of of the hell they’re living in.