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By Charlene Rubush, March 2, 2012 3:32 pm

Lately, I’ve been re-reading Vietnam Wives- Facing the Challenges of Life with Veterans Suffering from Pos-Traumatic Stress. (Second Edition, revised, 1996). Aphrodite Matsakis, Ph.D. is like a touchstone for me when it comes to trying to make sense of my own PTSD experience.

For our veterans and their families of today, I’m sure it’s impossible to think of a time when there was no public discourse about PTSD, no internet, few books or literature to turn to when one was suffering in silence.

Back in 1987, when I reached out for help from the Veterans Outreach Center, they handed me a pamphlet which gave me information about combat-related PTSD, as it affected the veteran. There was no literature focused on a spouse’s reaction or the effects on the family of living in proximity to a veteran afflicted with PTSD.

But sometime later, I came across Vietnam Wives (First Edition, 1987) while browsing in a bookstore. It felt like a miracle; a life-preserver. Here was a book written for me and all the other Vietnam veteran wives. My reaction was sheer joy and I felt like shouting out “Hallelujah!” At last, someone had recognized my plight.

Matsakis writes (pg. 39)

“Denial is a central feature of PTSD. Like alcoholism, drug addiction, and compulsive overeating, PTSD is a condition that tells its victims that they don’t really have a problem.” ‘That’s what I told myself for years’, explains one vet. ‘I thought if I’d ignore it, it would go away.’

Matsakis also notes that some vets even pretended that the war “didn’t really happen.” This denial serves as a major defense against feeling the extremely uncomfortable feelings that often went along with the Vietnam experience—specifically, fear, guilt, and rage, as well as moral confusion.

Isn’t it amazing how the mind can play tricks on itself, in self-preservation? It took me years to come out of my own denial of how dysfunctional my life had become. And it’s been comforting to learn from an expert such as Dr. Matsakis, that denial is a normal part of having PTSD.

Yet denial helps us stay stuck in our own misery. We cannot make changes if we don’t acknowledge that there is a huge problem. It often takes a major crisis to shake us out of our denial. That’s what happened with me, and it turned out to be a blessing in disguise.

It’s something to think about…as they say in Al-Anon, If nothing changes, nothing changes.

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By Charlene Rubush, September 27, 2010 9:22 pm

There are many wonderful books available to help our returning combat vets. Here’s another of my reviews on an outstanding resource:

This review is from: After the War Zone: A Practical Guide for Returning Troops and Their Families (Paperback) by Laurie B. Slone, Ph.D and Matthew J. Friedman, MD, Ph.D.

This important work provides a broad array of information that will help returning soldiers, their loved ones, friends, and community to understand the challenges of reintegration to civilian life.

It provides education and advice for neighbors, coworkers, employers, and service providers who assist returning vets and their families.
Actually, the book is for anyone who wonders what to expect when a service member returns home from a war zone. It shows all of us how to help when the going gets tough (and it will).

For those like me, who were personally affected by the Vietnam War and its aftermath, we know how vital understanding and support is for our latest generation of combat vets and their families.

You’ll find eye-opening facts on p.25, about Operation Enduring Freeedom/Operation Iraqi Freedom.

The authors point out that unlike the Vietnam War, when the draft meant that most Americans were directly affected by the conflict, the modern “all volunteer” military has left participating families feeling a sense of isolation from the rest of society.

Another fact: The top two reasons returning troops seek care at VA Medical Centers are pain from musculoskeletal problems and mental health problems.

This book addresses every aspect of reintegration one can imagine, such as:

• anticipation of return
• the post-deployment stage (honeymoon period)
• special issues for reservists and women soldiers
• reactions of children
• problems with PTSD
• communication problems
• what it’s like to be a loved one left at home
•  issues for the extended family, the need for social support
•  separating myth from reality, finances, relationships, and much more.

The Resource Section alone is worth the price of the book, plus there is an excellent index. Kudos to authors Laurie B. Slone, Ph.D. the Associate Director for Research and Education of the VA National Center for PTSD,and to Matthew J. Friedman, MD, PhD, the Executive Director of the VA National Center for PTSD and a Professor of Psychiatry and Pharmocology at Dartmouth Medical School.
This book is broad in scope, and will change lives for the better. Very highly recommended!

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By Charlene Rubush, August 16, 2010 4:36 pm

For over 40 years now, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) has been a major problem for many Vietnam veterans. It’s one of the main conditions treated by the VA. It’s said to be one of the major causes of divorce for Vietnam veterans. And, if some of the suicide statistics are true (and there’s room for argument on both sides), PTSD is a major cause of suicide among Vietnam veterans.

VietNow is very fortunate that two compassionate PTSD experts – experienced counselor Mary Tendall and her associate Jan Fishler – have shared their expertise with us in the form of a great series of articles with ideas on how to deal with PTSD.

In the history of the VietNow National Magazine nothing has come close to the response to these articles. These articles have not only touched a nerve, but have also provided a healing touch.

Since it’s obvious that PTSD won’t be going away any time soon, and because it sometimes seems that the problem is getting bigger rather than smaller – and because there are differences of opinion on the topic – we have published lots of articles, stories, and poems related to this painful topic.

We hope something you’ll read here with touch you in a good way, and we hope that if you need help with your ghosts, maybe something here will point you (or someone close to you) in the direction of help.

If you have questions or comments about your PTSD-related problems, Jan and Mary have kindly made themselves available to help. They assure your confidentiality and invite you to e-mail them directly at:
Jan Fishler: jan@tincatmedia.com
Mary Tendall: maryten@jps.net

Some of the article titles are:

Featured PTSD Articles by Jan and Mary – and other writers.

Getting Through the Rough Times
There are ways to help the PTSD sufferer through the physical and emotional pain, but you also have to take care of yourself during the process.

Living With Guilt and Shame
Guilt and shame are deep and often debilitating emotions that can haunt individuals for years. Exploring the origin and impact of guilt and shame from the perspective of combat veterans and family members.

http://www.vietnow.com

Charlene Rubush’s Note:

VietNow is an awesome organization which is committed to helping all veterans and their families. Much of what we now know about PTSD has come from the study of Nam vets and their families.

Please visit their website and learn all about them. I’ve gained a lot from my membership with them. Their magazine is phenomenal, and they’ve been  working hard for many years, to better veterans lives.

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By Charlene Rubush, March 25, 2010 10:57 pm

Part Four:

What do Americans need to know about the healthcare  we provide to our veterans?

Americans need to know that this (the VA Hospitals) is not working for veterans. There were recent reports where three veterans were infected with HIV from the VA because the colonoscopy equipment was not sanitized correctly. I do not know if this happens at other hospitals but the VA is really f…ing things up. They have a captive audience. People who go to the VA do not have much money for insurance. I think Americans need to step it up for us and demand better treatment.

In your book, Soft Spots, one of your friends with you in Iraq predicted the war would change you. How did you initially expect the war to change you and how does that differ from the reality of the situation?

I was really focused on going over there and fighting. When he said we would not be the same I really did not believe him. We thought fighting would be cool and we would come back as combat veterans with war stories. It was like we were becoming members of a club that not many people would be in and we thought that was pretty cool. Continue reading 'Iraq War Veteran and Author Clint Van Winkle’s Thoughts On VA Care and Iraq'»

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By Charlene Rubush, March 9, 2010 9:37 pm

I love it when I find another terrific website for vets. Lest We Forget-PTSD Family and Military Support Group, is a “peer to peer, veteran to veteran, family to family support group with the belief that PTSD is not just your problem nor does it just affect you.” They are based in Charleston, West Virginia, where they offer a safe and private meeting place, complete with free child care.

Even if you are not in the area, you can benefit by visiting the website. They note “PTSD affects everyone around you but most of all the people who love you most, your family and friends. Our belief is that by helping not only the person suffering from PTSD but the family and loved ones, the road to healing will be less difficult by not having to go this alone.”

The site offers excellent articles and resources. But most importantly, it shares real life struggles with combat vets and their families, and how they are navigating their personal PTSD journeys. Two of their statements particularly stood out for me: Continue reading 'Another Great Website for Combat Vets and Their Families'»